Hello my lovely friends! To finish off our month dedicated to all things wedding and marriage, today I’m sharing a more personal post about newlywed life. I asked my husband, Daniel for his input, and together we’ve created 9 tips we want to share with other newlyweds. Please feel free to add any tips you have in the comments down below! Any and all are welcomed and helpful! It has been such a treat this month discussing everything from engagements to gift guides. I hope you’ve found the posts helpful & fun to read!
1. Learn From Your Arguments
As a newlywed, your life looks different than ever before. Suddenly you’re sharing your space, time, and dresser drawers with someone else. It’s exciting, fun, and sometimes difficult. Arguments are normal. Let me repeat: arguments. are. normal. They aren’t fun, but they happen. The key is to figure out the basis of your fighting: Is there a common theme among your fights? If so, sit down and talk about what’s really going on. When I get overly anxious about something in particular, I often pick a fight about something completely unrelated. It’s a bad habit, and it is fixable. Maybe you have a hard time asking for what you want/need, so you start a fight because you don’t know how else to go about it. That’s normal, but not optimal for a healthy relationship. Practice asking for what you need by rehearsing how you want to word it before you say it outloud to your spouse. With time, work, and effort, your arguments will either become less frequent, and/or more constructive, as in, they don’t last as long, or you’re actually fighting about the issue at hand.
2. Keep Your Apologies Handy
Newlywed life is all about learning how to share your life with someone. It’s new, it’s exciting, it’s a wake-up call. You’ll most likely have arguments here and there, or, you might just hurt your spouse’s feelings on accident. It happens. You’re learning. It’s okay to not be perfect. What’s not okay is to intentionally hurt your spouse, or, to never say “I’m sorry”. An argument involves two people, and most likely, both of you have said a few things you wish you hadn’t, or gotten more upset than you should have, etc. It’s okay. Keep trying. Say you’re sorry, mean it, and move on.
3. Never Sweep Anything Under The Rug
I once had a friend whose parents never fought. Instead, the mom and dad just wouldn’t speak to each other for 2 or 3 days, or however long it took for both of them to move on from whatever had made one of them angry. It worked for them, but it created a snowball effect: their children couldn’t deal with their own issues. They either ignored their own issues, lied about them, or just shut everyone out. Don’t do this. You know what happens when everything gets swept under the rug? Everything underneath the rug piles up, and you begin to trip over the humps in your everyday life. If you don’t deal with your issues at hand, they’re not going to go away. They will start to creep up masked as anxiety, anger, and resentment. That’s no way to start a marriage, and it’s definitely no way to treat a relationship. Your feelings and emotions are valid; treat them as such. You married your spouse out of love, which means you’re in this for the good, the bad, and the ugly.
4. Admit When You’re Wrong
It’s okay to not always be right. It can be really tough to admit it sometimes, but it’s important to learn how to put your pride aside for your spouse, and admit when you’ve messed up, or when you’re just plain wrong. It’s just as important to not gloat over being right.
5. Open Up | Ask For What You Need
Not everyone shares their feelings and emotions the same way. You might be used to keeping thoughts to yourself, but it’s important for you and your spouse to create an environment that feels safe and welcoming of any and all emotions you might have. Practice is key here. Start off small, and ask for patience from your spouse. If you’re used to dealing with your emotions alone, you aren’t going to become a waterfall of feelings right away. Nor do you need to ever get to that level if that isn’t you. The key is to start slow, but with intention.
6. Remember Your Spouse Can’t Read Your Mind
I’ll be the first to admit I struggle with this one. Whether it’s leaving out details and assuming your spouse will still be able to understand clearly, or you want your spouse to do something without you asking, you can’t forget that your spouse is not able to read your thoughts. If it’s the latter, remember it’s okay to ask for what you need.
7. Stay Invested In Family & Friends
You’re not just a newlywed. You’re also a student or coworker, church member, daughter, sister, aunt, cousin, best friend, acquaintance, exerciser, reader, etc. Let’s be real: it’s a lot to handle. You’re trying to learn how to be the best wife you can be, on top of everything else. And you’re doing great, I promise. I hope you have family & friends who can cut you some slack if you’re phone calls are less frequent in the first months of marriage. That’s perfectly normal. But once you feel a bit more settled, stable, & relaxed, pick up the phone instead of text; make dinner plans and stick to them. A really great way to remind someone you still love & miss them while you’re completely overwhelmed and don’t have the time and/or effort to talk as much, is to send them a sweet card in the mail or some flowers. Little gifts like that can serve as reminders that you haven’t forgotten about each other just because life has gotten busy. Be easy on yourself; And be easy on other newlyweds.
8. Make Time For Just The Two Of You
We strongly recommend this one. Set aside time (and don’t cancel!) that the two of you can spend together. You aren’t BF/GF anymore, and you don’t have to act exactly like you did during your dating relationship. But don’t forget to go out to dinner together sometimes, or whatever activity it is you two used to enjoy together.
9. Be Patient & Forgive
Whether you’re single, dating, engaged, newly married, or have been enjoying marriage for awhile now, I just want to say that it’s okay to be patient with yourself, as well as forgive yourself. None of us are perfect, and life is a constant learning experience. To the newlyweds: don’t forget to be patient with your spouse. Both of you are working on yourselves, and you’ll make it through the rough days, coming out on the other side stronger together. Satan will be after your marriage, but you can stand against him, knowing you are protected and safe, even on your bad days. Forgiveness is life; harboring grudges is fatal.