As I write this blog post, I’m selfishly assuming people have wondered why I haven’t posted on the blog since late July. The answer isn’t as simple as it might seem. In fact, I didn’t even know my true reasons for the hiatus until a week or so ago when my best friend mentioned a fun concept I might try to write for the blog. Oddly enough, the urge to start posting again has slowly been creeping up in the back of my mind, but it’s been a slow process. So, if you have been curious about why I quit blogging, as well as why I’ve decided to return, keep on reading!
First, I started back to school in August as a completely online student. What’s more, my classes are extremely reading and writing intensive, requiring more work than in my previous semesters. To be honest, I excitedly welcomed the increase in workload and subsequent study time. But, after hours of staring at a computer screen studying everyday, my motivation to add more hours to screen time to write a blog post dwindled. But that isn’t the only – or main – reason why I quit blogging.
Yes, life grew busier at the start of the semester. But I thrive off routine, so the truth is, if I had really wanted to write a blog post, I would have found the time. But I didn’t want to. And why, you might ask? Where to even begin? …
Let’s Go Back To The Beginning…
When I started my blog this past Spring (2018), I did it for a few reasons:
I was feeling panicked about my future, and I wanted to have a Plan B in case I found myself lost after graduating college. I genuinely enjoyed writing, and found it to be an exciting creative outlet. I went down the blogging hole, found several people who inspired me, and began to emulate them. This is where the problem really started.
I don’t think I wanted to just be like these other bloggers; I’m pretty certain I wanted to be them. Not in a creepy way, mind you, but in the sense that I wanted my website to look like theirs and my blog posts to read similarly. But that never happened because I didn’t allow myself to copy other people’s work. First of all, I didn’t want to copy other bloggers’ posts. I just wanted to be as good as them. I wanted to have the same motivation, talent, and number of readers as them. I was no longer writing because I enjoyed it, or even for the hope of a realistic future. Suddenly, writing blog posts to try to be the same as other bloggers left me with a massive loss of interest towards the blogging world. To be honest, I was pretty disappointed in myself for awhile. I couldn’t believe that I had dedicated so much time and money into a short-lived hobby that I mistook for a passion. I’ve always scolded myself for never being a finisher due to commitment issues (but marriage fixed that). My lack of blog posts only added to this discouraging thought. To make matters worse, I paid for my host for my website for a year, and I “gave up” four months into the subscription. But, to be frank, I think I always knew what the problem was – I just didn’t want to admit it. I didn’t want to admit that I was trying to be these other bloggers, because I was afraid that’s why I had started blogging in the first place. I was concerned that blogging had always been this false identity I somehow clinged to. So, I didn’t address my lack of blogging, and I went on with my life. I didn’t discuss it with anyone, I ignored it. Anyone who knows me well is fully aware of my incapability of ignoring problems (or situations that aren’t problems but I feel like they are until someone explains why they aren’t). But ignore it I did. I decided to give myself some time and space away from the blogging world, away from bloggers, and eventually, away from social media.
What’s Life Like Now?
In the time that’s passed since July, a lot of things have changed for the better. Marriage has chilled me out immensely, school is going extremely well for both Daniel and me, and we got a dog! Actually, we got a dog, had to heartbreakingly take her back to the animal human society, and then got another dog, whom we have had the privilege to adopt. You might be wondering what this has to do with blogging. And my answer is: everything. I’m not ready (and I don’t know if I will ever be) to share why I have officially left the social media world in a personal manner, but I have. I now only occasionally post on Instagram to promote my blog posts, but nothing more personal than that is shared. This is a personal and much needed decision.
I’m continuing blogging because I love it. Because I pray that I write posts that someone needs to read, and God provides me with the words to say and sends readers who need them. But more than anything, I love doing it. I love brainstorming blog posts and photography ideas, and doing it all with my voice and no one else. The world doesn’t need more of the same. The world needs more of you and more of me. So, while I disappeared from social media and the blogging world, I’ve been living in my real world, discovering who I am without the online pressure and temptation to be like others. And while these days I still enjoy occasionally looking up my favorite bloggers, I do so with a different mindset: Not because I want to become these bloggers, but because I genuinely enjoy reading their posts. It’s a much happier place to be.
So, where have I been?
I’ve been right here, losing my motivation so I could find my passion. I hope you’ll join me on this creative journey. I can’t wait to see what’s in store.